Something's missing

The weather was nice today. So beautiful for an end of November day. I put up the outdoor christmas lights and raked the leaves, pulled out the shovels, getting ready for the big day. The day its going to snow. Its long overdue, not that i am complaining, but really we have been blessed with a beautiful autumn. It was such a nice evening and the kids were waiting to be picked up by their father. He was late as usual. Thats when it started to go wrong for me. When i started to think about the fact that him seeing the kids is always at his convenience and never at a time when i can make plans for myself. So he ends up being a half hour late, the kids leave, and its as if i dont know what to do with myself. I mean, i cant go shopping, i cant really go anywhere, its 5:30.

I come in the house, make myself something to eat and decide im just going to read or lie down, chat, or surf. Thats what i did. That feeling of somethings missing usually creeps up on me. Sometimes when i am at a friends house, sometimes when im at a party , sometimes when im having fun , but mostly when im alone. Its a difficult feeling to explain to people, not that i have really ever tried to discuss this with anyone. I guess its just one of those things that people have to walk in your shoes to understand.

So as i write this, i still cant stop thinking about what is missing and tomorrow will be another busy day which hopefully wont allow me to remember whats missing.